Refining The Gray
by JinxedSydney
Summary: Post TLJ. "I almost preferred it when you called me scavenger." "You look better in black." Second in my one-shot "Into the Gray" series. "Resolving the Gray" is the first and stand alone.


_'Ollo lovelies! This is my second one-shot in my "Into the Gray" series. The first, "Resolving the Gray," was written after TFA and even prior to the TLJ title release. The same applies with this one, after TLJ and before any hints from the next movie to come. Enjoy!_

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It was the quiet moments of the day that Rey hated the most, and there were more of those after the small band of Resistance survivors saw her power through the Force firsthand. Even Finn, her first and best friend, was like a nervous skittermouse from Jakku. People parted around her, eyes to the floor. Rey stopped trying to be nice and moved away from the group, physically and in her mind.

On the day she moved her things back into the Falcon from the abandoned base they'd found and settled into, she imagined that she'd rather have _him_ visit again—someone who probably understood the loneliness, even when surrounded by people. But he'd been silent for weeks. No plead for the dark side. Not even a hiss in the back of her head whispering, _"Scavenger."_

"Rey?" Finn's feet slapped down the metal walkway of the Falcon towards the bunk room. "Where are you?"

For half a moment, she wished the Force would swallow her whole and make her invisible. "In here," she called, pushing her empty pack under the bed. When he rounded the corner, she smiled as best as she could. "How's Rose?"

"She's doing okay! The scanners are online now and we're trying to get her to eat a bit more." His eyebrows dropped and he nodded to her bag. "What are you doing? Are you leaving?"

"No." _Yes._ "It…it's just easier for me to be here, where they aren't so scared of me."

"You're crazy!" Finn nodded in all directions when he spoke, as if to reinsure himself. "They aren't scared of you. They've only heard stories of the Jedi and the Force and stuff like that." Rey knew he was trying to make her feel better.

She sighed and felt her shoulders drop. "I'll be fine out here. Less noise, so maybe I can figure out what these books say." Rey had found the books during their escape. _Luke._ Someone had to teach her the ways of the Jedi, and she was determined to try and figure the books out. "That way you guys can focus on the General." Leia had slipped into a deep sleep just before the Resistance established the base.

He scrubbed his face with both hands. "Yeah. She's gotta make it."

Rey didn't answer. She already knew Leia was fading, her golden thread fading in the Force. Once General Organa was gone, Rey would truly be alone, her only choice for a teacher a man who remained silent after Crait. She still felt his presence in the Force, dark and distant.

Finn crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her. She crushed her teeth together to hold back the sob. It was the first time someone had touched her on purpose in weeks. He pulled back and grinned. "I gotta get back and check on Rose. But, I'll still come by and make sure you're doing okay. Alright?"

"Yes," she said, swallowing. "Of course."

When he departed, it was better. She felt like she could breathe, without the expectation to keep him happy. Finn would've erupted if he'd known about Ben, their connection, or even the changed way she understood the new Supreme Commander. And then, he would've demanded her to cut off the Force bond, as if she had a say in the matter. The stillness in the bond unnerved her.

To ward off the solitude of silence, Rey plucked one of the Jedi books from the drawer and sat cross-legged on her bed. The writing was slanted and sloppy and utterly unreadable. But she looked at the faded drawings that were scattered about the pages. Some were of the sun next to the moon, a fire on the waves black water, but all were dark and light together. Always. Just like the mural on the cave floor at Ahch-To.

That night, she heaped on extra covers to ward off the chill on the Falcon. She slipped into a dream of gray fog, distant pogs calling through the mist. But the ground was wrong—sand instead of grass and rocks. Rey crouched and pulled her hand through the warm grains when she looked up and saw a thin golden thread shining brightly in the fog. She shielded her eyes as the glow strengthened. When she almost couldn't stand to look anymore, the thread broke, the air turning inky again.

Rey's eyes snapped open and she sat up in her bunk. "Leia."

Tugging at the waist of her borrowed black cloak, Rey remained behind long after the rest of the group left. Leia had written her final requests and Rey waited to fulfill the General's wishes: to be burned so that her resting place would not become a grave to visit.

Rey knelt in the damp grass next to a campfire, a few paces from the funeral pyre, dreading her duty. The flames did nothing to warm her. She would've liked one more visit with Leia, to ask her what she meant the last time they talked.

Weak and still in command, Leia had summoned Rey to her bedside aboard the Falcon. "I saw Luke before he left. But I want you to know, a single thread of hope is a very powerful thing." Leia's eyes fluttered closed and two days later, they found the damp forest planet. Her final thoughts, faith for the Resistance.

Rey looked at Leia's body on the carefully stacked wood. Leia's cheeks were pale. Someone had clothed her in a beautiful silver dress and kept her hair in an intricate design on her head. Even Leia's rings were on her clasped hands.

The glitter of the jewels on General Organa's rings made Rey's tears start once more. On Jakku, funerals meant scavenging, just to survive. Rey didn't know the dead people—she didn't care about them and would've turned in those rings for credits to quiet her belly.

First Han, now Leia.

 _Ben_.

He had to know. Did he feel his mom leave? Rey let her head drop to her chest. It must be even harder to lose your mother who loved you despite everything, rather than waiting for one who sold you into slavery.

Her legs were wet and cramped, so Rey stood and looked for crannies to light the pyre. She walked to the General—to Leia—one last time and held her hand. "I will miss you so much." Her chin quivered. As Rey lowered her head to Leia's hand, she sensed it: the feeling of slipping into hyperspace.

Shoulders pulled back, Ben appeared in the grass near the fire. He looked up from the datapad in his hands. "What do you want?" Emotionless and cold…Kylo.

Rey shielded his mother with her body, even though he probably couldn't see Leia. She blinked the tears back. "I almost preferred it when you called me scavenger."

"You look better in black."

"I…what?" Her fingers twitched at her side, longing for the broken lightsaber. "I'm here for your mother," she said through her teeth.

"I know. I felt it." He tossed the datapad out of his reach and it disappeared.

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. She chose her own path, as did you."

Without a word, Rey turned to face Leia's body again. "I will never turn to the dark side." Though she tried to stop them, tears sloped down her cheeks when she faced him again. "And you will not follow the Jedi ways. We are both taking a path the other will not follow."

The Supreme Commander of the Empire cleared his throat, his forehead wrinkled. "Are you with her?"

Her chest squeezed so hard that Rey took small breaths. "I am. She's right behind me. She asked me to light her funeral pyre."

"I didn't even know that she survived the attack until we intercepted messages with her name." His sniff was so quiet that Rey barely heard it. But she saw his gloved hands ball into a fist and release at his side. Ben Solo wanted to see his mother one last time.

The Force thrummed in her body, his closeness chasing every bit of loneliness away. "I feel better when you are here," she admitted out loud. When he stared, she finished her thought, "Though I don't even know why."

Ben tugged his gloves off and flung them into the same direction of the datapad oblivion. He tilted his head one way. "I wish I could see her."

Rey turned. "She looks peaceful. Beautiful." He hummed, so she continued, describing her dress and rings. When Rey returned her gaze to Ben, he swiped near his eyes. Her insides scampered around when she took one step towards him. "If we could compromise, meet halfway, find a way neither Sith nor Jedi, would you? Would you give up ruling the galaxy by force? Lose the power? I can't forget what I saw, Ben. The shape of your future."

His big fingers splayed across his face, rubbing small circles into his pressure points. "I'm tired. If I'm not blocking you, it is Hux or the Knights. It never ends."

She breathed through her nose to try and slow her thoughts. _Hope._

"I wish I could ask Leia for advice," she said. Rey watched Ben look up to her, between his fingers. "When…when we were fighting the guards, it was like breathing." She took another step forward, her heart thundering at the memory. "I could feel you—your reactions. I knew exactly what you wanted and how you'd fight."

Ben's armed dropped to his sides. He didn't have his saber. With one step, he made her crane her head back to look him in the eyes. When he looked down, she followed his gaze. He inched his hand to hers and they touched. "Sometimes, I think I hear your heart beating," he said.

Suddenly, he whipped his head to something behind him. Ben turned back, his tall shoulders erasing into the forest night. "Rey."

Their bond evaporated into stillness once more. Rey stared at the fire, the warmth of his hands fading. Looking back at his mother, Rey took a deep breath and exhaled to the stars. He was out there.

 _Halfway_.

Perhaps Leia had been telling Rey about her son all along.


End file.
